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Dear Tourist. . .

I’m very glad to see you here, enjoying and discovering a country I love dearly, and patronizing all the businesses in this city.  I’m barely more than a tourist myself; I don’t speak the language and I don’t pay taxes, but I feel like the amount I’ve spent here in groceries alone counts for something.  And as a resident, even if temporary, I do feel the need to express a few thought to you, the even more temporary visitor:

  • I completely understand that you wanted to pack light so one pair of comfortable shoes and an all-weather jacket of some kind were necessary, but it’s REALLY obvious that you’re not from here when you walk through the middle of town on a sunny 60 degree day in your North Face parka and bulky hiking boots. (Also, I know it’s a sauna in the U.S. right now, but it’s not THAT cold here)
  • Now, the MATCHING North Face parkas and hats are just plain hilarious
  • It’s weird when you take pictures of the front of my house, even if the view in this part of town is spectacular.
  • It’s even weirder when you take pictures of my KID, especially without asking.  He’s cute, I know, but first of all, he’s not Icelandic, despite his blond hair and blue eyes.  Second of all, if I find those pictures anywhere on the internet besides MY BLOG, you’re in for a world of pain.
  • When walking down the street, keep in mind that some of us are walking because we need to get somewhere, and you’re slow.
  • On a similar note, when meeting with a group of other waterproof jacket, sunhat, hiking boot, and daypack-clad folk in order to enjoy a walking tour or catch a bus (undoubtedly to the Blue Lagoon or Golden Circle), please don’t spread across the entire width of the sidewalk.  Again, some of us walking actually are trying to get somewhere (like home, before children start screaming).
  • I apologize if I end up in your picture, immortalized in your scrapbook forever, making some awful face or picking my nose or something.  But it’s just impossible to avoid all your lenses, they’re everywhere.
  • Americans, I am one of you so I can say this: you’re loud, louder than the French, louder than the Germans.  Just thought you should know.  Also, there are no McDonalds or Starbucks located in this whole country, so enjoy that while you can.
  • You should absolutely buy an Icelandic sweater, because it’s really cool that although a great souvenir, locals wear them too, so you won’t look ridiculous.
  • Do not, however, buy a Viking helmet, or anything with the Icelandic flag on it, and wear it around.  Dead giveaway (especially since real Viking helmets did not have horns. . .I think we have Wagner to thank for that little embellishment, though someone correct me if I’m wrong).
  • Don’t worry about not knowing the language; it’s a tough one and only 320,000 people in the whole world speak it so no one blames you (especially not me), but learning a few pronunciation points will help you ask for directions. . .I won’t attempt to explain, just google it:)

Enjoy your stay!  It makes me feel extra special when one of you asks me directions and I can actually help, so if you see me (I will have one adorable blondheaded kid in a stroller and one screaming baby in a pack on my chest. . .hard to miss), feel free to ask!  (however, I’m moving away on Tuesday, SAD!)

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Posted by on July 29, 2012 in My Fair City, Travel, Writings

 

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